Kid Idol

There was a story in USA Today last week about parents who are snapping up internet domain names for their babies. It seems parents are concerned about establishing an Internet identity for future use. This story struck me, not so much because of what it covered, but rather as more evidence for the trend of children taking center stage of parents’ lives. And it is the stage I am worried about.

They are increasingly on stage from the moment they are born. They are photographed continually and their pictures are published on websites and blogs explicitly devoted to them. Videos of them are posted on YouTube. As they grow, their parents seek to provide a myriad of organized activities to stimulate their thinking and to provide them with opportunities to assess their abilities and interests in different activities. They begin very early with an eye toward university education and strategize the best means by which they can assure their children get opportunities to enroll at the best schools, often hovering over their kids and teachers to make sure they are going to get a good return on their financial and emotional investment. And they get lots of stuff. Parents demonstrate their love for their children by providing them with lots of things.

Now I am sure there are parents reading this who are offended. But let me say it is not any of these things in particular that is of concern to me, but the cumulative effect of kids always being on center stage and catered to that has me worried. As a campus minister, I am seeing the results in increasingly self-centered and self-absorbed college students.

It used to be we would see this mostly in child television and movie stars. They would grow up and be in the headlines because of their behavior. But now, I am afraid we are unintentionally creating child stars, and the effects as they become adults are similar.

Most of us would conclude, I think, the main reason many celebrities end up living self-serving and self-absorbed lives is because they have people fondling all over them, treating them as special people because of their fame. They come to expect the attention and believe they are special.

Now, if we basically give “star” treatment to our children, should we not expect the same? Growing up being the “star” of the family, a child will naturally assume the world should revolve around him because it always has.

I think this began in the ‘70’s with the self-esteem movement. As the rebellion of the 1960’s diminished the value of rules and discipline, many of those educated at that time embraced the need to raise kids with less rules and more encouragement. This eventually led to the development of an educational philosophy weighted heavily towards promoting self-esteem. And as I was educated in counseling in the late 70’s and 80’s, one of the primary problems was seen to be low self-esteem. This naturally led to strategies to raise the self-esteem as children.

And as we progressed through the first decade of the New Millennium, we are now beginning to see the fallout of these efforts. The intentions were no doubt sincere and noble, but the result is we are creating a society afflicted with narcissism. And with what is happening with children today, I think we are just seeing the tip of the proverbial iceberg. By putting them on the center stage of our lives, we are communicating to them they are the most special and most important beings on the planet. More special and more important than any other child. More special and more important than Mom and Dad’s marriage and lives.

Of course, to their parents, children are very important and special, and they should know that. But, they are not any more special than any other child or adult. And that is what we are failing to communicate by all the attention we lavish on our kids. They misinterpret it. In their minds, they are kid idols, feted and adored by those around them, deserving of all their hearts’ desires.

As Christians, this is not the mindset we want our children to have and to take into adulthood. The world does not revolve around them; it revolves around God and He is to be the center of the universe. And our Lord Jesus said He came into the world not to be served, but to serve. We are to teach our children to have the hearts of servants, not of those who believe they are stars and deserve to be served.

Our culture is indeed going the way of the Kid Idol and if Christian parents do not pay attention, they, too, will raise their own kid idols who expect to be served throughout their lives.